AP United States History

Article Type: Connect

AP® U.S. History Essay Examples (the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly)

The final portion of the AP® U.S. History exam, endearingly called APUSH by many, contains two essays: 

(1) one in response to a document-based question (DBQ) worth 25% of the test score
(2) one in response to an open-ended prompt—students get to choose between a pair of prompts—known as the "long essay" question, worth 15% of the test score

We're focusing on the long essay here, which scores students on a scale of 1-6 (and fingers crossed, not 0). The essays below represent the range of scores, and they're followed up with a score breakdown showing you what to do, and uh, what not to do.

Something else you should do? Prepare for your AP exams with Shmoop.

Scoring Guidelines

For all things APUSH, including exam format, past exams, and scoring information, refer to the College Board's AP Central page.

A. Thesis: 0-1 Point
Skills Assessed: Argumentation

• 1 Point: Thesis – The thesis needs to be something acceptable to a historian, get at each and every part of the question, and better be killer.

B. Argument Development – Using the Targeted Historical Thinking Skill: 0-2 Points
Skills Assessed: Argumentation, Periodization (Our prompt below will target periodization, but you can see all of the potential targeted skills and their rubrics here.)

• 1 Point – Must describe how the historical development is similar to and different from past and future developments.
• 1 Point – Must describe the extent to which the historical development is similar to and different from past and future developments.

C. Argument Development – Using Evidence: 0-2 Points
Skills Assessed: Argumentation

• 1 Point – Dig down deep for specific examples that address the topic of the question.
• 1 Point – Use specific examples to fully support a relevant argument.

D. Synthesis: 0-1 Points
Skills Assessed: Synthesis

• 1 Point: Synthesis – Bring it all together to explain the connections between the argument and a different time period, theme, or field to show off your smarts.

The Prompt

Some historians have argued that the growth in cotton production caused by the invention of the cotton gin marked a major turning point in United States history. Support, modify, or refute this suggestion with specific evidence.

Score: 6

The invention of the cotton gin was a major turning point in American history because it was the most important technological development that contributed to the transformation of the American South into an economic powerhouse dependent on slavery.

The immediate significance of the cotton gin was that it made harvesting cotton much more efficient. Like the mechanical reaper, which was invented in the United States in the early 1800s, the cotton gin took what was once tedious, tiring, time-consuming work and simplified it. However, unlike the reaper, the cotton gin was specifically made for a single crop, and it drastically reduced the time and effort necessary to prepare cotton for sale. Prior to the cotton gin, it took as many slaves to clean the cotton as it did to pick the cotton, so at that time, cotton wasn't considered a cash crop, and fewer than one million slaves were working in the South. With Eli Whitney's invention of the cotton gin, fewer laborers could now produce more of the product, but this increase in efficiency immensely increased the scale of the industry.

Slavery was certainly an aspect of American society before the cotton gin, but the invention hugely increased the role it played. Once an invention made cleaning cotton less arduous, the crop became the the most profitable crop in the South. Grown in the South because of the climate, it was an easier crop than tobacco, and highly valued for its application in textile manufacturing. The efficiency of the cotton gin allowed for significant increases in cotton production and this turned cotton into a large industry that required massive amounts of land use and, more importantly, slave labor.

By 1850, the South produced three fifths of the world's cotton, due to the cotton gin's invention. To get there, the entire culture adapted to cotton production and Southern landowners expanded or consolidated small farms into huge plantations worked by slaves. The new industry determined much of Southern development: more agriculture meant less urbanization than in the North. The South was willing to sacrifice diversifying the economy, improving infrastructure, and limiting opportunities for cotton production. Ultimately, this reliance on one crop would lead to a disadvantage in the Civil War, but the term King Cotton represented the South's most profitable commodity, relied on by the North's textile mills and England. By the time of the Civil War, slaves working these plantations were a commodity of their own, as each represented three-fifths of a person, and they became one third of the South's population.

With the South's economic core centered on cotton and slavery, it had become a distinct society from the North. The importance of slavery was a result of a technological development that spurred an economic explosion of the cotton industry, but it didn't stop there. U.S. expansion westward tested the country, with the federal government establishing a slavery line with the Missouri Compromise to balance slave and free states. Years later, another technological advancement, the transcontinental railroad, was at the center of the fate of slaves. In exchange for a northern railroad route, the Kansas-Nebraska Act established popular sovereignty, supporting states' rights, and violent outbreaks over slavery became known as Bleeding Kansas. After the Civil War, the 14th and 15th Amendments guaranteed rights for Black Americans, but almost 100 years later, the Voting Rights Act of 1965 was passed during the Civil Rights Movement to ensure those rights. 

These aftereffects of the cotton gin were not in full effect until decades after Eli Whitney's patent, but the historical ramifications are clear in hindsight. The invention spurred economic changes that led to the rise of Southern slavery, an institution that was one of the primary causes of the Civil War, and had lasting influences on American race relations long afterward.

Breakdown

Thesis: 1 Point

• The thesis should make a historical claim that directly answers the prompt. The thesis can come at the beginning, or you can throw it at the end. But one way or another, it has to be there, all in one place.
• 1 point for the first sentence of this essay, which states the thesis clearly and concisely, and addresses each part of the prompt.
• The thesis is an argument, not a wishy-washy description. Imagine you're arguing who would win in a fight between Dumbledore and Gandalf. You have to pick one or the other. You can't just say, "It would be magical."

Argument Development – Using the Targeted Historical Thinking Skill (Periodization): 2 Points

• This part of the essay sets up the terms of the argument. Why does your thesis hold up? What are the main reasons Gandalf would annihilate Dumbledore (or vice versa)?
• 1 point for describing how the historical development is similar to and different from past and future developments. This essay discusses developments before and after the cotton gin, the reaper and the transcontinental railroad.
• 1 point for explaining the extent to which the historical development is similar to and different from past and future. This essay discusses the different or similar effects that the reaper and the transcontinental railroad had on the South's slave culture, along with context of the period before and after the cotton gin.
• The argumentation is the skeleton of your essay. Everybody needs one. Except a jellyfish.

Argument Development – Using Evidence: 2 Points

• The evidence is the section where you actually prove your argument with specifics, beyond just explanation.
• 1 point for using specific examples that address the topic of the question. Cite historical events, reference historical concepts, and if you recall important stats, wrap them into your explanation. This essay discusses the rise of the plantation system and the divide between Northern and Southern economic culture that ultimately led to the Civil War.
• 1 point for using specific examples to fully support a relevant argument. Make sure the evidence you use relates to the terms of your argument, and your thesis.
• It's not impressive if your essay is a mash-up of cool facts. That strategy doesn't even work as an icebreaker.

Synthesis: 1 Point

• This is where you really wow readers, by extending your thesis and argument to broader historical developments.
• 1 point for extending the cotton gin's importance in building the slave economy of the South to the broader ramifications of causing the Civil War and long-lasting racial tensions.

Score: 5

Prior to the invention of the cotton gin, tobacco and rice were the main cash crops in the American South, and they were relatively small industries. After the invention of the cotton gin, cotton took over the Southern economy, turning the region into the wealthiest agricultural center in the world. So, the increase in cotton growth increased the importance of slavery, over which the Civil War was fought.

Cotton was difficult to harvest by hand, but the cotton gin allowed for it to be harvested by machine. The mechanical reaper, invented in the United States in the early 1800s, also took tiring work and made it more efficient, but the cotton gin, specifically targeting one crop, made a much bigger impact. Once farmers started using the cotton gin, it became much more profitable to grow this crop. Using slave labor, it was now possible to produce and export a massive amount of cotton.

The South became wealthy from cotton production during the mid-1800s. Cotton was used for textile manufacturing, and there was a high demand for cotton in the North as well as overseas. Small family farms were combined into huge plantations. As cotton farming grew into a big industry, Southern states needed more slaves to keep the production going. Slavery became one of the main features of Southern society. By the Civil War, slaves were one third of the South's population.

The cotton gin eventually had profound consequences for American history. Slavery became so important that there were now distinct "free" and "slave" states, divided between the North and the South, as established by the Missouri Compromise and the Compromise of 1850. But states' rights became an issue as well, and with the Kansas-Nebraska Act, the idea of popular sovereignty gave the power to the states to decide if they'd be a "free" or "slave" state. By appeasing the southern states, a northern route for another technological development, the transcontinental railroad was planned. Bleeding Kansas was the term for the violence that broke out over the fight over slavery and states' versus federal rights. The Civil War was fought because the South wanted to preserve the economic system of slavery and exports and prevent greater competition with the North. So, the invention of the cotton gin allowed for slavery to become extremely important, which caused a rift in American society.

Breakdown

Thesis: 0 Points

• The thesis should make a historical claim that directly answers the prompt. The thesis can come at the beginning, or you can throw it at the end. But one way or another, it has to be there, all in one place.
• But this essay lacks a clear thesis. It jumps right into arguments, and meanders toward the idea that the cotton gin contributed to the Civil War.
• This is like starting a movie without an opening scene to set things up. Even The Room has an opening scene.

Argument Development – Using the Targeted Historical Thinking Skill (Periodization): 2 Points

• 1 point for describing how the historical development is similar to and different from past and future developments. This essay's argumentation is a little jumbled, but it does one thing well: it discusses the "before" and "after" of the cotton gin.
• 1 point for explaining the extent to which the historical development is similar to and different from past and future. The difference between "describing" and "explaining the extent" isn't huge, but make sure you discuss effects. Again, this essay's more jumbled than the 6, but the College Board understands that it's hard to get everything in order in 35 minutes.  

Argument Development – Using Evidence: 2 Points

• The evidence is the section where you actually prove your argument with specifics, beyond just explanation.
• 1 point for using specific examples that address the topic of the question.
• 1 point for using specific examples to fully support a relevant argument. The essay supports its argument by referring to textile manufacturing, plantations, and even a statistic on the Southern slave population. These examples provide strong and relevant evidence for why the cotton gin was a significant factor in changing the South.

Synthesis: 1 Point

• This is where you really wow readers, by extending your thesis and argument to broader historical developments.
• The essay links its argument to the growing divide between the North and South, a significant historical trend that can be traced back to the rise in slavery, which can be traced back to technology like the cotton gin.

Score: 4

The invention of the cotton gin was a major turning point in history because it allowed for a significant rise in slavery in America. The rift over slavery was one of the main causes of the Civil War.

The cotton industry made the American South wealthy by 1850, when it produced three-quarters of the world cotton trade. A lot of cotton was exported to the North, which was a major center for manufacturing textiles. The Southern economy, much of the Northern textile mills, and England, were dependent on cotton. Of course, cotton was dependent on slaves. To work massive plantations, Southern landowners purchased millions of slaves, until the number of slaves was one-third the population of the South. Even though Congress had outlawed importing slaves since 1808, the number of slaves increased until the whole economy was basically dependent on slave labor.

By the 1850s, slavery was a major division in American society. The North and the South were divided as free states and slave states, largely because the warmer South was where cotton growing took place. As the U.S. expanded west, deciding which states would be free and which would be slave states became an issue of federal regulation versus states' rights. The tension ultimately led to the Civil War, which didn't end race tensions, as the Civil Rights Movement took place nearly 100 years later, and African Americans weren't necessarily guaranteed the right to vote until the Voting Rights Act of 1965. So, the cotton gin might not have caused the Civil War by itself, but it definitely contributed by making slave-based cotton into the main industry in the South, and this contributed to tensions with the North that caused the Civil War.

Breakdown

Thesis: 1 Point

• Say hello to my little thesis. This essay directly answers the prompt, and the introductory paragraph hints at the synthesis to come.
• The essay is relatively strong at the beginning and end.
• The unfortunate part is the middle. Like climbing a mountain.

Argument Development – Using the Targeted Historical Thinking Skill (Periodization): 0 Points

• 0 points for describing how the historical development is similar to and different from past and future developments. There's no real "before" and "after" or "this happened, then this happened" discussion in this essay.
• 0 points for explaining the extent to which the historical development is similar to and different from past and future. Presumably, we hear about the future, but to get the point, you have to discuss the before and after.
• This essay skips setting up the general argument and jumps right into evidence and examples. So, it's relatively structure-less.

Argument Development – Using Evidence: 2 Points

• 1 point for using specific examples that address the topic of the question. Though we're missing a before and after discussion to wrap up the examples in this essay, you have to hand it to 'em: there's evidence here.
• 1 point for using specific examples to fully support a relevant argument. Plus, it's relevant.
• This essay's like throwing a bunch of darts at a dartboard. They're hitting it, but they're far from a bullseye. At least nothing hit the wall.

Synthesis: 1 Point

• No doubt this essay's a bit jumbled and repetitive. But by linking the cotton gin to the rise of slavery, the Civil War, and continued race tensions, the end of this essay does what a synthesis should do.
• It answers the question, "Why do I (or historians) care?" That's not an accomplishment to brush aside, since the Star Wars prequels entirely failed to answer that question. 

Score: 3

The invention of the cotton gin was a major turning point in history because it allowed for a significant rise in slavery in America.

The cotton industry made the American South wealthy by 1850, when it produced three-quarters of the world cotton trade. A lot of cotton was exported to the North, which was a major center for manufacturing textiles, and England, which demanded a lot of cotton. The South's main cash crop became cotton because it was easier to grow than tobacco, and unlike the improved infrastructure and increasing industry in the North, the South remained a slave-dependent farm culture. The Southern economy, and much of the Northern economy, was dependent on cotton. Of course, cotton was dependent on slaves. To work massive plantations, Southern landowners purchased millions of slaves, until the number of slaves was one-third the population of the South. Even though Congress had outlawed importing slaves since 1808, the number of slaves increased until the whole economy was basically dependent on slave labor.

Breakdown

Thesis: 1 Point 

• This thesis makes a clear, defensible historical claim, so we're starting strong.
• And then...

Argument Development – Using the Targeted Historical Thinking Skill (Periodization): 0 Points

• 0 points for describing how the historical development is similar to and different from past and future developments. Yeah, hold the phone. Without a paragraph of argumentation, the reader has no idea what to do with this information, and with a prompt about a turning point, you have to discuss the before and after. 
• 0 points for explaining the extent to which the historical development is similar to and different from past and future.
• Remember, evidence itself is not good enough on its own. It's like when a potential date has a job, a car, and an in-house popcorn machine, but a lousy personality. Good evidence on paper, but not a total package.

Argument Development – Using Evidence: 2 Points

• 1 point for using specific examples that address the topic of the question. It's not the best evidence, no, but there are fairly sound examples and historical trends cited for evidence in this essay.
• 1 point for using specific examples to fully support a relevant argument. Plus, it's relevant.

Synthesis: 0 Points

• There's no ending to this essay, so there's no explanation of why the essay even exists.
• Maybe the writer ran out of time or maybe they weren't sure where to go with this. Either way, the lack of argument and the lack of a synthesis in this essay deducts major points.

Score: 2

The cotton gin made the cotton industry viable because it let cotton be harvested more quickly and efficiently using slaves.

The cotton industry made the American South wealthy. Before the cotton gin, slaves cleaned cotton very slowly by hand, but after the cotton gin, more cotton could be cleaned with fewer slaves. The Southern economy, and much of the Northern economy, was dependent on cotton. Of course, cotton was dependent on slaves. To work massive plantations, Southern landowners used millions of slaves, until the number of slaves grew to one-third the population of the South. The number of slaves increased until the whole economy was basically dependent on slave labor.

Breakdown

Thesis: 0 Points

• The thesis is AWOL in this essay. How can you tell? The first sentence, which is attempting to be the thesis, doesn't directly address the prompt.
• That's a kiss of death for your essay. Like a prose Dementor.
• Even the 6 essay isn't an overly eloquent thesis, but it addresses each part of the prompt and gets the point. 

Argument Development – Using the Targeted Historical Thinking Skill (Periodization): 1 Point

• 1 point for describing how the historical development is similar to and different from past and future developments. The second paragraph has some—albeit weak—argumentation around the idea that cotton was important to a particular historical trend, the rise of the antebellum South.
• 0 points for explaining the extent to which the historical development is similar to and different from past and future. Though we learn some about the before and after of the cotton gin, the writer's explanation of the turning point's extent and effects is much too vague and simplistic. 

Argument Development – Using Evidence: 1 Point

• 1 point for using specific examples that address the topic of the question. This essay throws out a little evidence by referencing the historical examples of plantations, and the number of slaves in the antebellum South. Nice try.
• 0 points for using specific examples to fully support a relevant argument. The examples aren't fleshed out, they're too few in number, and they're not supported by any kind of structure.
• Maybe the writer was nervous and rushed. We get it: it's a big test. Don't be nervous, Shmoopers. Leave it all on the field…well, the paper.

Synthesis: 0 Points

• If the thesis is AWOL, we're not surprised that the synthesis would be AWOL, too. We don't have a conclusion here, so we definitely don't have a conclusion with an extended argument. The point of that evidence is lost.
• This is the prose version of a comedian's joke that awkwardly trails off when they realize the punch line's not going to be funny. Don't bomb when you're on stage at the AP test.

Score: 1

The cotton gin was important because it led to the Civil War. To work massive plantations, Southern landowners used millions of slaves.

The Civil War was fought because the South wanted to preserve the economic system of slavery. Slavery had become so important that there were now distinct "free" and "slave" states, to balance the North and South's differing economies. The invention of the cotton gin allowed for slavery to become extremely important, which caused the rift in American society that made the North and the South fight.

Breakdown

Thesis: 0 Points 

• There's an attempt at a thesis here, but it's not really a historically defensible claim. You can't just say that the cotton gin caused the Civil War. There was a lot that happened in between.
• More importantly, the thesis doesn't address the prompt. Saying the cotton gin was "important" doesn't answer the question of whether it was a major historical turning point.
• This leads us to an important point. Don't try to hedge your argument with weak language. Pick a side, and stick up for it with all your might. Don't be unsure which team you're on, or you'll end up looking like a referee. And nobody likes referees.

Argument Development – Using the Targeted Historical Thinking Skill (Periodization): 0 Points

• 0 points for describing how the historical development is similar to and different from past and future developments. We're not seeing a discussion of the before and after of a turning point in this essay.
• 0 points for explaining the extent to which the historical development is similar to and different from past and future. Again, if we're not seeing a full description of the turning point, we're probably not going to get a full analysis of the turning point.

Argument Development – Using Evidence: 0 Points

• 0 point for using specific examples that address the topic of the question.
• 0 points for using specific examples to fully support a relevant argument.
• There's also no evidence cited in this essay. The writer pokes at recognizable concepts like the North and the South and the "importance" of slavery, but doesn't put it in concise, factual terms that link back to arguments.
• This is like having a rope when you've already fallen off a cliff. Try not to picture what the bottom looks like.

Synthesis: 1 Point

• Believe it or not, the writer of this essay clearly understands that there's a link between the cotton gin and the differences between the North and South. They're trying to argue a link to a greater historical event, the Civil War, but they don't have the argument, the analysis, and the evidence to back it up. Since they know something, we'll throw 'em a bone.
• Ever see one of those insufferable post-credits scenes in a movie? Would you want to watch a movie that was only the post-credits scene? Even if it was an exceptional tease for a sequel, you could always catch it on YouTube.

Score: 0

A score of 0 is either blank or very ugly. Avert your eyes. 

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