Involving Your Parents

With the Parents

Your parents might speak a totally different language, but…too bad. You're going to have to talk to them about college finances—even if it means hearing the story about going to see Nirvana play live…again. Whether or not your parents will be helping you pay for college (and even just the answer to that question) will affect what kinds of need-based funds you can apply for.

Here are some questions you'll want to ask:

• Are you going to help me pay for college? If so, in what capacity? If not, why not? Because you can't afford it, or because you think it's something I should tackle on my own?


• How much does our family make every year?


• Do we have any money saved for my college education? If not, can we start saving money for college now?


• Do your jobs offer any scholarships or benefits for, uh, me?


• Have you served in the military or do you belong to any professional organizations that might offer benefits or scholarships?


• Are you willing to apply for PLUS Loans or Parent Federal Direct Loans?


• There's no need to shine a bright flashlight in your parents' eyes and subject them to an interrogation (although, that could be fun), but you do need to figure out where they stand.

Without the Parents

In a perfect world, your parents would be supportive and do everything they could to help you pay for the college of your dreams. But guess what? We don't live in a perfect world. More likely than not, your parents will shy away from talking about finances or will have different ideas about what you should do with your life and will refuse to talk about anything that's not those exact ideas.

Let's say you don't know how your parents are doing financially. Maybe your parents aren't willing to talk to you about college—either because they're in mob or they just don't think it's appropriate. Whatever the hang-up, you're stuck. If that's the case, go to your college counselor for some assistance: you should be able to apply for student loans and scholarships yourself. It's definitely tougher, but it's possible.

And what if, when you start talking to your parents about college, you find out that it's all taken care of—in their heads? Maybe they've decided that you're going to your state school so you don't need student loans. Or maybe they're refusing to let you save money by going to that state school because they think you need that Princeton name to become the doctor they've always known you would be. Sure, they want the best for you, but what if their best looks nothing like your best?

Be reasonable.

Fights don't work. Emotional outbursts don't work. The only thing that will convince them is a well-reasoned argument. Write out all the reasons you want what you want: why it's the best choice for your future, practically and financially, and how you plan on making it happen. If, after hearing you out (with multiple iterations, possibly), they still won't come around, then you need to be prepared to do it on your own—without their help.

Welcome to real life.

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