Golden Boot
Categories: Company Management
The times, they are a’changing, and our record company, Awesome Music, Inc., is feeling it big-time.
Our most senior talent scout, Alvin, has an unfortunate habit of referring to any music made after 1981 as “noise,” and he’s just not bringing in the fresh sounds we need to keep our label relevant. Plus, his salary is crazy high, and we’re pretty sure we could bring in someone better for half the price. It’s a little sad, but the board of directors has decided it’s time for Alvin to go.
Alvin’s a nice guy, so we don’t just want to fire him and send him on his way. Instead, we put together an amazing severance package: we’ll give him a million dollars, he can keep his stock options, and he can even buy the records we produce at a 50% discount, if he’s so inclined. It’s a sweet deal; we’re hoping Alvin will take it and we can go our separate ways with no hard feelings.
This is what’s known as a “golden boot:” it’s basically a nice way of saying, “Thanks for your service, we think you’re swell, but if you could just go ahead and retire a little early, like now, that’d be great.” It’s golden because we’re letting the person go with some seriously nice financial parting gifts, but it’s a boot because…well…we’re booting them. We’re just hoping the golden parts soften the boot’s blow.