Golden Life Jacket

It’s a sad day. The company we founded, Sock Spritzers, Inc. (“Keep Your Socks Wet Even When You’re Dry!”), has been acquired by its main competitor, Trench Foot, Ltd. We’re not happy about it, and while we’re packing up the framed pics and potted plants in our corner office, we hope the VP of Operations who takes over our job has the same passion for wet feet that we do.

Then, much to our surprise, Trench Foot’s CEO stops by and offers us a golden life jacket. Not only does he want us to stay on as VP of Operations, but he’s also willing to offer us a 75% raise, a boatload of stock options, and a new, even bigger corner office in which to display our international and historically representative sock collection. He understands that our feelings were deeply hurt by the hostile takeover, but he doesn’t want to lose our expertise and know-how as the company moves forward, so he’s willing to offer us an amazing comp and benefits package if we say we won’t leave.

These staying bonuses, as golden life jackets are also called, are not only a good deal for the recipient. They can also help Trench Foot, Ltd. be more successful, since they’re keeping someone on who has intimate knowledge of Sock Spritzers, its products, and its market. In addition, golden life jackets can help buffer against stock price swings due to investor insecurity. Maintaining some of the old management team lends an air of stability to the acquisition process, and investors tend to like stability. Maybe even more than we like wet socks.