Lobby
Categories: Marketing
The bottom of a hotel? Like...where you pay the cashier, interrupting her from updating her Facebook page?
Eh, okay. It's also about paying politicians' buds for getting their ears. Shaved. And all...listen-y. When you lobby a politician, you hang out in their lobby, and whisper little love-nothings in their ear about policies you want changed. Or rather, those policies that your clients have paid you to help change. That's how you...lobby.
Well, the term got its name from would be friends-of-congressmen and friends-of-senators and friends-of-other-politicos, who would stand around, literally in the lobby of the halls of government, waiting for a muckety-muck to come out and, for the 98 seconds while they were walking down the hall to take a much needed wiz, have their ear chewed off about money needed for a new tattoo removal program, or for a grant for the Montana Sheep Workaholics Anonymous Initiative. Or for a new motorized shoe rack for the First Lady, custom-designed by Tesla itself.
A tickle-weapon builder wants the government to buy a billion bucks worth of tickle bombs from them, to use as an epic April Fool's joke on our Canadian pals up north. Their cost to build? 500 mil. So they make half a billion dollars in operating profits from making this sale.
Question: How much can they afford to pay the lobbyist, a.k.a. the sales guy who will make that deal possible?
Answer: A lot. Like...maybe 499 million.
So it is massively worthwhile for the tickle weapon producer to pay a lobbyist (or 10) a million bucks a year so that they can buy the best lobbyists. And hopefully close that deal.
And it doesn’t just apply to weapons manufacturers. That old age home the congresswoman promised her village? Well, what’s to stop her leaning on the weapons producer to donate a bunch of money to building it…if they win the lucrative tickle bomb contract? Maybe call it Tickle Pines Geriatric Center, with a happy face painted on the Tickle Bomb. Something like that. And the politician muses..."Well, the bombs are going to get made anyway. The contract will happen anyway. At least this way, my grannies will have nice mahjong chairs and a place to die with dignity. And not from being tickled to death."
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Finance: What are the economics of gover...3 Views
Finance allah shmoop what are the economics of government lobbying
Pay lobbyist a siri's of consulting fees They don't make
a commission hope that they can tilt the balance of
loved in your direction And then you win a lucrative
government contract to buy weapons from you Like the self
guided tickle rocket you know that makes enemies laugh themselves
to death art least does some nasty stomach cramps Yeah
all right well then you lather you rinse and you
repeat So what is a lobbyist anyway Well the term
got its name from would be friends of congressmen and
friends of senators and friends of other politicos who would
stand around literally in the lobby of the halls of
government waiting for a mucky muck muck to come out
And for ninety eight seconds while they were walking down
the hall you know to take a much needed whizz
have their ear chewed off about money needed for a
new tattoo removal program or a grant for the montana
sheep workaholics anonymous initiative or for a new motorized shoe
rack for the first lady custom designed by tesla itself
a tickle weapon builder wants the government to buy a
billion bucks worth of tickle bombs from them tio use
as an epic april fool's joke on our canadian kyle's
up north there cost to build five hundred mil so
they make half a billion dollars in operating profits from
this sale Well how much can they afford to pay
the lobbyist A k a the sales guy who will
make that deal possible Answer a lot like maybe four
hundred ninety nine million dollars and they don't actually pay
him a commission that would be illegal These air just
set up as consulting contracts to you know leverage his
role attacks and all the people that lobbyists knew for
years and years and years So it is massively worth
a while for the tickle weapon producer to pay a
lobbyist or ten of them a million bucks a year
in consulting fees so that you know the company wins
that lucrative government contract and closes the deal and it
doesn't just apply to a weapons manufacturers that old age
home congresswoman promised her village Yeah well what's to stop
her leaning on the weapons producer to donate a bunch
of money to building it if the weapons producer wins
That lucrative tickle bomb contract Well maybe call it tickle
pines geriatric center with a happy face painted on the
tickle bomb says peace under it Yeah something like that
and the politician muses And while the bombs are going
to get made anyway the contract will happen anyway At
least this way my granny's will have nice massage chairs
and a place to die with dignity and not from
being tickled to death Welcome to lobby Come on down 00:02:43.205 --> [endTime] take a hot shower