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<<Loogie hocking sound, spit>>

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I

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suppose you're here looking for Beowulf, eh?

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Oh, you're... you're looking for me... Unferth?

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... so I can tell you all about Beowulf. Well, that's just great.

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Well, come on then, pull up that Ye Olde Ikea chair and have a seat.

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Everything was hunky-dory here in the court.

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I was beloved by my king, Hrothgar <<roth-garr>> who showered me with tons of bling -- swords,

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armor, rings, you name it.

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I was a real up-and-comer. Chicks dug me. Okay, so I haven't done anything to get rid

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of Grendel, that horrifying creature who's been terrorizing Hrothgar's hall...

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...but it is totally on my to-do list, I swear. Anyway, a couple of days ago, this Beowulf

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goober shows up out of the blue.

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He's one of a race of people called the Geats. Dumb name, if you ask me.

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"Oh, honey, the "Geats" are coming over tonight." Stupid.

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I've heard a rumor he's addicted to online shopping, too. More like eBay-owulf.

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Anyway, he's immediately "in" with Hrothgar.

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I guess Beowulf's dad and Hrothgar were friends or something. Used to tool around the links

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together, who knows.

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Nepotism will never die, right? Oh, but get this -- Beowulf is now promising

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Hrothgar he's going to get rid of Grendel himself.

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How cocky can you be? Hrothgar's buying it though. Someone's got

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himself a new pet. But look -- I know this Beo-turd isn't as

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mighty as he seems.

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Take that swimming match with his friend Breca <<Bray-ka (roll the r)>> back in Geatland.

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Everybody's talking about how Beowulf whooped him by swimming across the sea in full armor...

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...but I have it on good authority that he actually LOST.

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Not to mention that he ran up a ridiculous armor-cleaning bill.

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And his boasts about how he's going to bring down Grendel?

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Pfft. Whatevs. Put your money where your big, fat mouth is, Beo-dork.

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Oh, and by the way... he claims he's going to take down Grendel... with his bare hands.

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Seems to me this guy is a few screws short of a hardware store.

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The ladies may be flocking to him now, but just wait.

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In a few days, everything will be back to normal.

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Beowulf will be lying in pieces on the hall floor, and I'll be Hrothgar's favorite again.

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I'm not worried. Do I look worried? I'm not. Seriously.

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