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Shmoop In the Bible the Gospel of Mark hello and welcome to shmoop in the Bible [Cecil waving]

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I'm Cecil B DeShmoop and I once performed a stand-up routine that consisted of

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silently holding my religious studies degree in front of a crowd yeah

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well today we're tackling the Gospel of Mark you might be thinking another [Gospel of Mark book opens]

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gospel haven't we heard this before well yes and no each gospel has its own

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personality well Mark's focuses on the difficulty of

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following Jesus and his teachings they they can't all play good-cop mark begins

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by introducing us to Jesus and calling him the Son of man then Jesus swings on [Jesus swinging on a vine]

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some vines rescues Jane, wait hang on that it might be Tarzan yeah that's Tarzan

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and I get Tarzan and Jesus confused a lot they're both so hairy

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anyway he also calls him the son of God we then meet John the Baptist he's

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dressed himself in camel hair stylish camel hair and he's dunking people in [John dunking man under water]

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the river Jordan as a symbolic release from their sins no word on whether he

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dunked himself to release himself from the sin of wearing camel hair seriously

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who wears camel hair come on even camels know that's a fashion faux pas yeah

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Alright but even if he doesn't know fashion camel hair John does know

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that he's just the opener for a bigger act Lady gaga no Jesus okay [Jesus appears on stage playing guitar]

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I mean it was probably a good show but can Jesus tickle the ivories and rock a

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meat dress like Gaga hmm anyway not Gaga shows up and ask camel hair to baptize

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him while that's happening the heavens open and the Holy Spirit comes down in

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the form of a dove that's a good touch there but you know we bet Gaga would

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have had like a flying Kermit puppet [Kermit lands on Gaga]

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anyway the dove leads Jesus into the wilderness where Satan tempts him for

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forty days and I guess they were both having a slow month there well while

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this is all going on John gets arrested which is basically all Mark says for now

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but well don't get too attached back to Jesus once he gets directions out of the [Jesus and Satan together]

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wilderness he heads to the Sea of Galilee and starts recruiting some

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disciples Simon Andrew James and John all abandon their jobs as fishermen to

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join Jesus which probably freaked out all their mothers but hey at least they

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weren't trying to oh I don't know make a living by hosting a webseries or [Cecil waving by a fire]

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something crazy like that well so Jesus begins teaching everyone that they

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should be nice to one another and he performs an assortment of miracles that [Jesus appears on advert]

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include healing lepers giving sight to the blind casting out demons you know

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watch out their congressman and bringing a dead girl back to life

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well when Jesus does it it's a miracle when Frankenstein does it it's an

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abomination people are so fickle go figure [People holding torches of fire]

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alright well but Jesus is clearly making waves and you know what they say when

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you make a wave you're bound to wash up an enemy okay fine maybe that's not a

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phrase forgive me for trying to leave my mark on the world [Horses galloping past man]

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anyway Jesus washes up a few enemies namely the Jewish scribes and Pharisees

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they aren't super happy that Jesus is healing people on the Sabbath and going

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around forgiving sins the scribes and Pharisees keep trying to trip Jesus up

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with tricky questions about Scripture and law but Jesus is always one step [Jesus walking ahead of pharisees]

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ahead of them he uses parables and metaphors to lay a

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rhetorical beat down on the scribes but not everyone understands what Jesus

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means by all these parables not even his disciples well time after time they

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misinterpret the meaning or flat-out don't understand what Jesus is talking [John and James confused with Jesus]

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about too bad they didn't have shmoop around back then

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all right but the disciples can still do some good Jesus sends them out two by

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two to travel around for a bit spreading his teachings maybe handed out a few [Disciples flying in the sky]

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raisin muffin baskets or two oh and he gives them the power to cast out demons

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muffins and casting out demons sounds basically a disciples dream come true

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anyway while this is happening mark brings us up to speed on John the

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Baptist when things aren't going so well and by bad, we mean he's been beheaded

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apparently King Herod liked John but Herod's wife wasn't a fan probably

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because of that hideous camel hair outfit when Herod offers his daughter [Herod walking with his daughter]

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anything she wants her mother tells her to ask for John's head well his

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daughters like what you know can I have like a new chariot or something instead

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and his wife is like no you're getting a head and his daughters like headed what

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anyway Herod doesn't like it buddy pinky-swore so he has to follow through

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poor John and poor Herod's daughter who anyway let's head back to Jesus and the [Cecil discussing Jesus on stage]

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disciples... Jesus mosey's on over to Jerusalem there's

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a big crowd of people who are happy to see him but the higher-ups in Jerusalem

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completely snubbed him so Jesus hangs around Jerusalem teaching folks and [Jesus teaching in Jerusalem]

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schooling the scribes every time they try to stump him shockingly enough they

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don't love being schooled so the chief priests and scribes pay one of the

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twelve disciples Judas to betray Jesus well Jesus knows what's up and tells the

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twelve that one of them will betray him it sounds like Jesus was trying to start [Jesus talking to disciples]

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a good old-fashioned murder-mystery dinner party what do you think anyway

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Judas knows he's busted but he goes through with it anyway and Jesus is

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arrested things move pretty quickly after that the high priests hand Jesus

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over to Pontius Pilate the Roman prefect who just so happens to have the [Pontius Pilate appears]

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authority to have a person executed you know he doesn't really understand why

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they want to kill Jesus so badly but Pilate's crowd pleaser and orders Jesus

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crucifixion well Jesus dies he's buried and three days later BAM he rises from [Jesus appears from grave]

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the dead allegedly his first words were three days will give you such a crick in

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the neck before bursting into a spirited rendition of you ain't never had a

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friend like me allegedly there was a recording somewhere were you

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there no well the women go to the tomb to anoint Jesus body see he isn't there [Women walk into tomb]

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and eventually tell Peter and the disciples everything because oh I don't

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know it's kind of important no that's known as the short ending to

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mark what the long ending was probably tacked on by someone who wanted things

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wrapped up a little more neatly in this ending Jesus appears to some travelers

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on the road and then tells the disciples to go forth and spread the word of God [Jesus telling people to spread the word of God]

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they're like sure what's his word and Jesus is like it's not a literal word

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just like the word yeah and they're like well that's not a helpful message is it?

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the word what is it potato chicken fart and Jesus is like another word of god is

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not fart, okay maybe that's a super-long and ending the extended Cecil B DeShmoop

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edition if you will but you know that's actually yet mark is finished

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Jesus decides to stay with Jane and her father and Tarzan again anyway until [Jane and Jesus waving]

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next time I'm Cecil B DeShmoop I'm pretty sure Phil Collins did not write the

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score to the Bible

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