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Description:

The broken-hearted Abigail takes her revenge. You might never want to break-up with someone again after this video, so make sure the next person is the right one!

Language:
English Language

Transcript

00:00

The Crucible, a la Shmoop. Okay, in hindsight, I'm willing to admit that

00:08

my prank went a little too far.

00:10

It's all fun and games until you get your ex-lover executed. But you know what they

00:14

say about a woman scorned... It all started when my uncle, Reverend Parris,

00:19

busted me and the girls casting spells with our slave Tituba <TIT-too-buh>*.

00:22

Then my cousin Betty started acting all nuts, and the townsfolk started to whisper about

00:27

witchcraft.

00:28

Hey, they could say what they liked, as long as it didn’t get me grounded!

00:33

I had my own super-secret reasons to go gallivanting into the forest.

00:37

Tituba had magical powers, the kind that might help me bump off my rival, that Goody-two-shoes,

00:44

Elizabeth Proctor. …

00:45

Oh, don’t act shocked… Elizabeth totally had it coming. What a drip. The whole time

00:50

I was working for the Proctors, I couldn't figure out how a wimp like her caught a fox

00:55

like John.

00:55

I felt kinda sorry for him, what with Elizabeth being sick all the time, so I figured…why

01:02

not have a fling with the man of the house?

01:05

That little exploit got me fired…whoops…but I found another home with my uncle, Reverend

01:12

Parris.

01:14

I knew it was only a matter of time until John Boy left his lame-o wife and came running

01:18

into my arms.

01:20

I dug John so much that I even let him in on my little secret – that the gang and

01:26

I weren’t really under enchantment.

01:27

I thought he and I were having a touching moment. Then he told me it was over. Not gonna

01:34

lie, I was a little peeved about that one….

01:36

…but why get mad when you can get even, right?  

01:41

I knew I had to be cautious when witch hunter Reverend Hale came to town, because being

01:51

executed as an accessory to witchcraft wasn’t high on my list of priorities.

01:56

So naturally, my first move was to throw Tituba under the bus.

02:00

Then, when I noticed that my former minion, Mary Warren, was getting too cozy with Elizabeth,

02:06

making her a sweet little dolly. …

02:07

… I put on an Oscar-worthy show of being poked with a needle, voodoo-style. Bingo,

02:14

the investigators found Elizabeth’s new doll, and the trial was on! You have to admit,

02:20

that one was total genius.

02:22

I was starting to feel invincible...if I didn’t like somebody, I threw around the “W-word,”

02:28

and they were thrown in the slammer. It was fantastic.

02:31

There was a slight hiccup when Mary Warren turned stoolpigeon and testified about the

02:36

doll, but I was on top of it. I said that I saw Mary's spirit appear in the room as

02:40

a yellow bird.

02:42

Okay, not very original, but you try framing someone on short notice!

02:48

That got Mary in line again, and she named John as the one trying to recruit her to Team

02:53

Satan.

02:55

I thought John would be smart enough to keep his big yap shut, but he was so desperate

03:00

to save his precious Elizabeth that he actually admitted to adultery...

03:05

…not a great way to climb the Puritan social ladder.

03:09

John’s little confession nearly cost me my victim cred, but fortunately, it backfired

03:15

when Elizabeth lied to protect his reputation. Ha!

03:23

Watching them try to save each other was kind of sweet, in a “claw your eyes out and stomp

03:28

on them” kind of way. I decided I had to get over it, so I took

03:33

my uncle’s money and ran. It's hard to care about Massachusetts when you're sipping piña

03:38

coladas in Fiji.

03:39

Things might have worked out for John, too, if he hadn’t had this weird prejudice against

03:44

lying. All he had to do was admit to being a witch, and take a hit to his reputation.

03:50

But right up until the end, he refused to hand in a signed confession...

03:54

…and Elizabeth did zippo to convince him, since he was being all noble for her and the

04:01

kids. Ugh. They deserve each other.

04:04

I feel a little bad that he was hanged, but hey, that's what you get for dumping me!

04:09

Could you pass the sunscreen?

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