The good news—you're a paralegal. The bad news—you went to law school to become a lawyer. Guess you weren't a very good one.

You're a paralegal for the state government in an office in D.C. Your job is boring and you don't make much money, but at least you get Inauguration Day off.

You're a paralegal at a Property and Casualty law firm in Chicago. Only you pronounce it Praaaperty and Caaasualty.

You're a paralegal at the largest law firm in Honolulu. Not only do you make a good living, but you get to live in Hawaii. That's like...your favorite archipelago.

You started out as just a regular ol' paralegal, but your help on the Big Bird v. Snuffleupagus case blew it wide open and made you a front-page story. Despite the fame, you have mixed feelings. You really wish those two hadn't come to such a gruesome end following the verdict.