Original Text |
Translated Text |
| Source: Folger Shakespeare Library |
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Enter Prince and Poins. PRINCE Ned, prithee, come out of that fat room and
lend me thy hand to laugh a little. POINS Where hast been, Hal? PRINCE With three or four loggerheads amongst three
or fourscore hogsheads. I have sounded the very 5
bass string of humility. Sirrah, I am sworn brother
to a leash of drawers, and can call them all by their
Christian names, as Tom, Dick, and Francis. They
take it already upon their salvation that though I be
but Prince of Wales, yet I am the king of courtesy, 10
and tell me flatly I am no proud jack, like Falstaff,
but a Corinthian, a lad of mettle, a good boy—by
the Lord, so they call me—and when I am king of
England, I shall command all the good lads in
Eastcheap. They call drinking deep “dyeing scarlet,” 15
and when you breathe in your watering, they
cry “Hem!” and bid you “Play it off!” To conclude, I
am so good a proficient in one quarter of an hour
that I can drink with any tinker in his own language
during my life. I tell thee, Ned, thou hast lost much 20
honor that thou wert not with me in this action; but,
sweet Ned—to sweeten which name of Ned, I give
thee this pennyworth of sugar, clapped even now
into my hand by an underskinker, one that never
spake other English in his life than “Eight shillings 25
and sixpence,” and “You are welcome,” with this
shrill addition, “Anon, anon, sir.—Score a pint of
bastard in the Half-moon,” or so. But, Ned, to
drive away the time till Falstaff come, I prithee, do
thou stand in some by-room while I question my 30
puny drawer to what end he gave me the sugar, and
do thou never leave calling “Francis,” that his tale
to me may be nothing but “Anon.” Step aside, and
I’ll show thee a precedent. Poins exits. | At a tavern in Eastcheap, Prince Hal brags to Poins that he's buddy-buddy with a bunch of drawers (like waiters) – they're on a first-name basis and say they can't wait for him to be king. Hal can drink with any tradesman too because he's gotten to know their lingo. Chugging wine, for example, is called "dyeing scarlet." |
POINS, within Francis! 35 PRINCE Thou art perfect. POINS, within Francis! Enter Francis, the Drawer. FRANCIS Anon, anon, sir.—Look down into the Pomgarnet,
Ralph. PRINCE Come hither, Francis. 40 FRANCIS My lord? PRINCE How long hast thou to serve, Francis? FRANCIS Forsooth, five years, and as much as to— POINS, within Francis! FRANCIS Anon, anon, sir. 45 PRINCE Five year! By ’r Lady, a long lease for the
clinking of pewter! But, Francis, darest thou be
so valiant as to play the coward with thy indenture,
and show it a fair pair of heels, and run
from it? 50 FRANCIS O Lord, sir, I’ll be sworn upon all the books
in England, I could find in my heart— POINS, within Francis! FRANCIS Anon, sir. PRINCE How old art thou, Francis? 55 FRANCIS Let me see. About Michaelmas next, I shall
be— POINS, within Francis! FRANCIS Anon, sir.—Pray, stay a little, my lord. PRINCE Nay, but hark you, Francis, for the sugar thou 60
gavest me—’twas a pennyworth, was ’t not? FRANCIS O Lord, I would it had been two! PRINCE I will give thee for it a thousand pound. Ask
me when thou wilt, and thou shalt have it. POINS, within Francis! 65 FRANCIS Anon, anon. PRINCE Anon, Francis? No, Francis. But tomorrow,
Francis; or, Francis, o’ Thursday; or indeed, Francis,
when thou wilt. But, Francis— FRANCIS My lord? 70 PRINCE Wilt thou rob this leathern-jerkin, crystal-button,
not-pated, agate-ring, puke-stocking, caddis-garter,
smooth-tongue, Spanish-pouch— FRANCIS O Lord, sir, who do you mean? PRINCE Why then, your brown bastard is your only 75
drink, for look you, Francis, your white canvas
doublet will sully. In Barbary, sir, it cannot come to
so much. FRANCIS What, sir? POINS, within Francis! 80 PRINCE Away, you rogue! Dost thou not hear them
call? Here they both call him. The Drawer stands amazed,
not knowing which way to go. Enter Vintner. VINTNER What, stand’st thou still and hear’st such a
calling? Look to the guests within. Francis exits.
My lord, old Sir John with half a dozen more are at 85
the door. Shall I let them in? PRINCE Let them alone awhile, and then open the
door. Vintner exits. Poins! Enter Poins. POINS Anon, anon, sir. PRINCE Sirrah, Falstaff and the rest of the thieves are 90
at the door. Shall we be merry? POINS As merry as crickets, my lad. But hark you,
what cunning match have you made with this jest
of the drawer. Come, what’s the issue? PRINCE I am now of all humors that have showed 95
themselves humors since the old days of Goodman
Adam to the pupil age of this present twelve
o’clock at midnight. Enter Francis, in haste. What’s o’clock, Francis? FRANCIS Anon, anon, sir. Francis exits. 100 PRINCE That ever this fellow should have fewer words
than a parrot, and yet the son of a woman! His
industry is upstairs and downstairs, his eloquence
the parcel of a reckoning. I am not yet of Percy’s
mind, the Hotspur of the north, he that kills me 105
some six or seven dozen of Scots at a breakfast,
washes his hands, and says to his wife “Fie upon
this quiet life! I want work.” “O my sweet Harry,”
says she, “how many hast thou killed today?”
“Give my roan horse a drench,” says he, and answers 110
“Some fourteen,” an hour after. “A trifle, a
trifle.” I prithee, call in Falstaff. I’ll play Percy,
and that damned brawn shall play Dame Mortimer
his wife. “Rivo!” says the drunkard. Call in
Ribs, call in Tallow. 115 | To kill time before Falstaff arrives, Hal plays a trick on Francis the drawer, chatting him up while Poins calls to the poor guy from another room. Hal has a good laugh at the expense of Francis, who doesn't know which way to go. Hal talks trash about Hotspur and does a mean but funny impersonation, which pretty much nails Hotspur's penchant for war and hyper-masculinity. It goes something like this: "Grrr. I'm Hotspur and I eat warriors for breakfast, etc., etc." |
Enter Falstaff, Gadshill, Peto, Bardolph;
and Francis, with wine. POINS Welcome, Jack. Where hast thou been? FALSTAFF A plague of all cowards, I say, and a vengeance
too! Marry and amen!—Give me a cup of
sack, boy.—Ere I lead this life long, I’ll sew netherstocks
and mend them, and foot them too. A plague 120
of all cowards!—Give me a cup of sack, rogue!—Is
there no virtue extant? He drinketh. PRINCE Didst thou never see Titan kiss a dish of
butter—pitiful-hearted Titan!—that melted at the
sweet tale of the sun’s? If thou didst, then behold 125
that compound. FALSTAFF, to Francis You rogue, here’s lime in this
sack too.—There is nothing but roguery to be
found in villainous man, yet a coward is worse than
a cup of sack with lime in it. A villainous coward! Go 130
thy ways, old Jack. Die when thou wilt. If manhood,
good manhood, be not forgot upon the face of the
Earth, then am I a shotten herring. There lives not
three good men unhanged in England, and one of
them is fat and grows old, God help the while. A bad 135
world, I say. I would I were a weaver. I could sing
psalms, or anything. A plague of all cowards, I say
still. PRINCE How now, woolsack, what mutter you? FALSTAFF A king’s son! If I do not beat thee out of thy 140
kingdom with a dagger of lath, and drive all thy
subjects afore thee like a flock of wild geese, I’ll
never wear hair on my face more. You, Prince of
Wales! PRINCE Why, you whoreson round man, what’s the 145
matter? FALSTAFF Are not you a coward? Answer me to that—
and Poins there? POINS Zounds, you fat paunch, an you call me coward,
by the Lord, I’ll stab thee. 150 FALSTAFF I call thee coward? I’ll see thee damned ere
I call thee coward, but I would give a thousand
pound I could run as fast as thou canst. You are
straight enough in the shoulders you care not who
sees your back. Call you that backing of your 155
friends? A plague upon such backing! Give me them
that will face me.—Give me a cup of sack.—I am a
rogue if I drunk today. PRINCE O villain, thy lips are scarce wiped since thou
drunk’st last. 160 FALSTAFF All is one for that. (He drinketh.) A plague of
all cowards, still say I. PRINCE What’s the matter? FALSTAFF What’s the matter? There be four of us here
have ta’en a thousand pound this day morning. 165 PRINCE Where is it, Jack, where is it? | Falstaff and the fellas (Gadshill, Bardolph, and Peto) enter. Falstaff demands a drink and calls Hal and Poins a couple of "cowards" for skipping out and leaving Falstaff and the others in the lurch at Gads Hill. (He doesn't know that Hal and Poins were the masked robbers.) |
FALSTAFF Where is it? Taken from us it is. A hundred
upon poor four of us. PRINCE What, a hundred, man? FALSTAFF I am a rogue if I were not at half-sword 170
with a dozen of them two hours together. I have
’scaped by miracle. I am eight times thrust through
the doublet, four through the hose, my buckler
cut through and through, my sword hacked like
a handsaw. Ecce signum! I never dealt better since 175
I was a man. All would not do. A plague of
all cowards! Let them speak. Pointing to Gadshill,
Bardolph, and Peto. If they speak more or
less than truth, they are villains, and the sons of
darkness. 180 PRINCE Speak, sirs, how was it? BARDOLPH We four set upon some dozen. FALSTAFF Sixteen at least, my lord. BARDOLPH And bound them. PETO No, no, they were not bound. 185 FALSTAFF You rogue, they were bound, every man of
them, or I am a Jew else, an Ebrew Jew. BARDOLPH As we were sharing, some six or seven
fresh men set upon us. FALSTAFF And unbound the rest, and then come in the 190
other. PRINCE What, fought you with them all? FALSTAFF All? I know not what you call all, but if I
fought not with fifty of them I am a bunch of
radish. If there were not two- or three-and-fifty 195
upon poor old Jack, then am I no two-legged
creature. PRINCE Pray God you have not murdered some of
them. FALSTAFF Nay, that’s past praying for. I have peppered 200
two of them. Two I am sure I have paid, two rogues
in buckram suits. I tell thee what, Hal, if I tell thee a
lie, spit in my face, call me horse. Thou knowest my
old ward. Here I lay, and thus I bore my point. Four
rogues in buckram let drive at me. 205 PRINCE What, four? Thou said’st but two even now. FALSTAFF Four, Hal, I told thee four. POINS Ay, ay, he said four. FALSTAFF These four came all afront, and mainly
thrust at me. I made me no more ado, but took all 210
their seven points in my target, thus. PRINCE Seven? Why there were but four even now. FALSTAFF In buckram? POINS Ay, four in buckram suits. FALSTAFF Seven by these hilts, or I am a villain else. 215 PRINCE, to Poins Prithee, let him alone. We shall have
more anon. FALSTAFF Dost thou hear me, Hal? PRINCE Ay, and mark thee too, Jack. FALSTAFF Do so, for it is worth the listening to. These 220
nine in buckram that I told thee of— PRINCE So, two more already. FALSTAFF Their points being broken— POINS Down fell their hose. FALSTAFF Began to give me ground, but I followed me 225
close, came in foot and hand, and, with a thought,
seven of the eleven I paid. PRINCE O monstrous! Eleven buckram men grown out
of two! FALSTAFF But as the devil would have it, three misbegotten 230
knaves in Kendal green came at my back,
and let drive at me, for it was so dark, Hal, that thou
couldst not see thy hand. | Falstaff says he and his crew were robbed by 100 thieves after they themselves robbed the king's exchequer. As Falstaff continues with the story, the number of robbers keeps increasing as Hal eggs him on. |
PRINCE These lies are like their father that begets
them, gross as a mountain, open, palpable. Why, 235
thou claybrained guts, thou knotty-pated fool, thou
whoreson, obscene, greasy tallow-catch— FALSTAFF What, art thou mad? Art thou mad? Is not
the truth the truth? PRINCE Why, how couldst thou know these men in 240
Kendal green when it was so dark thou couldst not
see thy hand? Come, tell us your reason. What sayest
thou to this? POINS Come, your reason, Jack, your reason. FALSTAFF What, upon compulsion? Zounds, an I were 245
at the strappado or all the racks in the world, I
would not tell you on compulsion. Give you a
reason on compulsion? If reasons were as plentiful
as blackberries, I would give no man a reason upon
compulsion, I. 250 PRINCE I’ll be no longer guilty of this sin. This sanguine
coward, this bed-presser, this horse-backbreaker,
this huge hill of flesh— FALSTAFF ’Sblood, you starveling, you elfskin, you
dried neat’s tongue, you bull’s pizzle, you stockfish! 255
O, for breath to utter what is like thee! You tailor’s
yard, you sheath, you bowcase, you vile standing
tuck— | Finally, Hal calls Falstaff a fat liar and Falstaff gets upset and calls the prince a bunch of names until he runs out of breath. Said names include "neat's tongue" (dried ox-tongue) and "bull's pizzle" (dried bull's penis). This firmly establishes Falstaff as the world heavy weight champion of smack-talk. |
PRINCE Well, breathe awhile, and then to it again, and
when thou hast tired thyself in base comparisons, 260
hear me speak but this. POINS Mark, Jack. PRINCE We two saw you four set on four, and bound
them and were masters of their wealth. Mark now
how a plain tale shall put you down. Then did we 265
two set on you four and, with a word, outfaced you
from your prize, and have it, yea, and can show it
you here in the house. And, Falstaff, you carried
your guts away as nimbly, with as quick dexterity,
and roared for mercy, and still run and roared, as 270
ever I heard bull-calf. What a slave art thou to hack
thy sword as thou hast done, and then say it was in
fight! What trick, what device, what starting-hole
canst thou now find out to hide thee from this open
and apparent shame? 275 POINS Come, let’s hear, Jack. What trick hast thou
now? FALSTAFF By the Lord, I knew you as well as he that
made you. Why, hear you, my masters, was it for
me to kill the heir apparent? Should I turn upon the 280
true prince? Why, thou knowest I am as valiant as
Hercules, but beware instinct. The lion will not
touch the true prince. Instinct is a great matter.
I was now a coward on instinct. I shall think
the better of myself, and thee, during my life— 285
I for a valiant lion, and thou for a true prince.
But, by the Lord, lads, I am glad you have the
money.—Hostess, clap to the doors.—Watch tonight,
pray tomorrow. Gallants, lads, boys, hearts
of gold, all the titles of good fellowship come to 290
you. What, shall we be merry? Shall we have a play
extempore? PRINCE Content, and the argument shall be thy running
away. FALSTAFF Ah, no more of that, Hal, an thou lovest me. 295 | Finally, Hal reveals the truth – it was the prince and Poins who ganked Falstaff's crew. Falstaff ingeniously recovers from this revelation – he claims to have been a "coward on instinct" – meaning, he instinctually knew to behave like a coward instead of killing the future king. That settled, Falstaff and Hal decide to put on a skit. |
Enter Hostess. HOSTESS O Jesu, my lord the Prince— PRINCE How now, my lady the hostess, what sayst thou
to me? HOSTESS Marry, my lord, there is a nobleman of the
court at door would speak with you. He says he 300
comes from your father. PRINCE Give him as much as will make him a royal
man and send him back again to my mother. FALSTAFF What manner of man is he? HOSTESS An old man. 305 FALSTAFF What doth Gravity out of his bed at midnight?
Shall I give him his answer? PRINCE Prithee do, Jack. FALSTAFF Faith, and I’ll send him packing. He exits. | Just then, the Hostess, Mistress Quickly, enters with news that a messenger's at the tavern door and wants to speak with Prince Hal on behalf of the king. Not to worry. Falstaff says he'll talk to the guy and "send him packing." History snack: Shakespeare coined the phrase "send him packing," which appears in print for the first time in this play. |
PRINCE Now, sirs. To Gadshill. By ’r Lady, you fought 310
fair.—So did you, Peto.—So did you, Bardolph.—
You are lions too. You ran away upon instinct. You
will not touch the true prince. No, fie! BARDOLPH Faith, I ran when I saw others run. PRINCE Faith, tell me now in earnest, how came Falstaff’s 315
sword so hacked? PETO Why, he hacked it with his dagger and said he
would swear truth out of England but he would
make you believe it was done in fight, and persuaded
us to do the like. 320 BARDOLPH Yea, and to tickle our noses with speargrass
to make them bleed, and then to beslubber our
garments with it, and swear it was the blood of true
men. I did that I did not this seven year before: I
blushed to hear his monstrous devices. 325 PRINCE O villain, thou stolest a cup of sack eighteen
years ago, and wert taken with the manner, and ever
since thou hast blushed extempore. Thou hadst fire
and sword on thy side, and yet thou ran’st away.
What instinct hadst thou for it? 330 BARDOLPH My lord, do you see these meteors? Do you
behold these exhalations? PRINCE I do. BARDOLPH What think you they portend? PRINCE Hot livers and cold purses. 335 BARDOLPH Choler, my lord, if rightly taken. PRINCE No. If rightly taken, halter. | While Falstaff deals with King Henry's messenger, Hal jokes with the fellas and gets Peto to admit that Falstaff made everyone hack up their swords on purpose to make it look like they were broken in combat. Bardolph admits they also "tickled" their noses with spear-grass to make it look like their noses were bloodied in battle with the "robbers." |
Enter Falstaff. Here comes lean Jack. Here comes bare-bone.—
How now, my sweet creature of bombast? How long
is ’t ago, Jack, since thou sawest thine own knee? 340 FALSTAFF My own knee? When I was about thy years,
Hal, I was not an eagle’s talon in the waist. I could
have crept into any alderman’s thumb-ring. A
plague of sighing and grief! It blows a man up like a
bladder. There’s villainous news abroad. Here was 345
Sir John Bracy from your father. You must to the
court in the morning. That same mad fellow of the
north, Percy, and he of Wales that gave Amamon the
bastinado, and made Lucifer cuckold, and swore
the devil his true liegeman upon the cross of a 350
Welsh hook—what a plague call you him? POINS Owen Glendower. FALSTAFF Owen, Owen, the same, and his son-in-law
Mortimer, and old Northumberland, and that
sprightly Scot of Scots, Douglas, that runs a-horseback 355
up a hill perpendicular— PRINCE He that rides at high speed, and with his pistol
kills a sparrow flying. FALSTAFF You have hit it. PRINCE So did he never the sparrow. 360 FALSTAFF Well, that rascal hath good mettle in him. He
will not run. PRINCE Why, what a rascal art thou then to praise him
so for running? FALSTAFF A-horseback, you cuckoo, but afoot he will 365
not budge a foot. PRINCE Yes, Jack, upon instinct. FALSTAFF I grant you, upon instinct. Well, he is there
too, and one Mordake, and a thousand blue-caps
more. Worcester is stolen away tonight. Thy father’s 370
beard is turned white with the news. You may buy
land now as cheap as stinking mackerel. PRINCE Why then, it is like if there come a hot June,
and this civil buffeting hold, we shall buy maidenheads
as they buy hobnails, by the hundreds. 375 FALSTAFF By the Mass, thou sayest true. It is like we
shall have good trading that way. But tell me, Hal,
art not thou horrible afeard? Thou being heir
apparent, could the world pick thee out three such
enemies again as that fiend Douglas, that spirit 380
Percy, and that devil Glendower? Art thou not
horribly afraid? Doth not thy blood thrill at it? | Falstaff returns from talking with the nobleman (Sir John Bracy) and reports the news that the Percy family is in cahoots with the Welsh, the Scots, and Mortimer to overthrow King Henry. The prince is needed at the castle ASAP, where Hal will likely get an earful from his dad about being such a rotten kid and a lousy prince. |
PRINCE Not a whit, i’ faith. I lack some of thy instinct. FALSTAFF Well, thou wilt be horribly chid tomorrow
when thou comest to thy father. If thou love me, 385
practice an answer. PRINCE Do thou stand for my father and examine me
upon the particulars of my life. FALSTAFF Shall I? Content. He sits down. This chair
shall be my state, this dagger my scepter, and this 390
cushion my crown. PRINCE Thy state is taken for a joined stool, thy golden
scepter for a leaden dagger, and thy precious rich
crown for a pitiful bald crown. FALSTAFF Well, an the fire of grace be not quite out of 395
thee, now shalt thou be moved.—Give me a cup of
sack to make my eyes look red, that it may be
thought I have wept, for I must speak in passion,
and I will do it in King Cambyses’ vein. PRINCE, bowing Well, here is my leg. 400 FALSTAFF And here is my speech. As King. Stand
aside, nobility. HOSTESS O Jesu, this is excellent sport, i’ faith! FALSTAFF, as King
Weep not, sweet queen, for trickling tears are vain. HOSTESS O the Father, how he holds his countenance! 405 FALSTAFF, as King
For God’s sake, lords, convey my tristful queen,
For tears do stop the floodgates of her eyes. HOSTESS O Jesu, he doth it as like one of these harlotry
players as ever I see. FALSTAFF Peace, good pint-pot. Peace, good tickle-brain.— 410
As King. Harry, I do not only marvel
where thou spendest thy time, but also how thou
art accompanied. For though the camomile, the
more it is trodden on, the faster it grows, so youth,
the more it is wasted, the sooner it wears. That 415
thou art my son I have partly thy mother’s word,
partly my own opinion, but chiefly a villainous
trick of thine eye and a foolish hanging of thy
nether lip that doth warrant me. If then thou be
son to me, here lies the point: why, being son to 420
me, art thou so pointed at? Shall the blessed sun of
heaven prove a micher and eat blackberries? A
question not to be asked. Shall the son of England
prove a thief and take purses? A question to be
asked. There is a thing, Harry, which thou hast 425
often heard of, and it is known to many in our land
by the name of pitch. This pitch, as ancient writers
do report, doth defile; so doth the company thou
keepest. For, Harry, now I do not speak to thee in
drink, but in tears; not in pleasure, but in passion; 430
not in words only, but in woes also. And yet there is
a virtuous man whom I have often noted in thy
company, but I know not his name. PRINCE What manner of man, an it like your Majesty? FALSTAFF, as King A goodly portly man, i’ faith, and a 435
corpulent; of a cheerful look, a pleasing eye, and a
most noble carriage, and, as I think, his age some
fifty, or, by ’r Lady, inclining to threescore; and now
I remember me, his name is Falstaff. If that man
should be lewdly given, he deceiveth me, for, Harry, 440
I see virtue in his looks. If then the tree may be
known by the fruit, as the fruit by the tree, then
peremptorily I speak it: there is virtue in that
Falstaff; him keep with, the rest banish. And tell me
now, thou naughty varlet, tell me where hast thou 445
been this month? | |
PRINCE Dost thou speak like a king? Do thou stand for
me, and I’ll play my father. FALSTAFF, rising Depose me? If thou dost it half so
gravely, so majestically, both in word and matter, 450
hang me up by the heels for a rabbit-sucker or a
poulter’s hare. PRINCE, sitting down Well, here I am set. FALSTAFF And here I stand.—Judge, my masters. PRINCE, as King Now, Harry, whence come you? 455 FALSTAFF, as Prince My noble lord, from Eastcheap. PRINCE, as King The complaints I hear of thee are
grievous. FALSTAFF, as Prince ’Sblood, my lord, they are false.
—Nay, I’ll tickle you for a young prince, i’ faith. 460 PRINCE, as King Swearest thou? Ungracious boy,
henceforth ne’er look on me. Thou art violently
carried away from grace. There is a devil haunts
thee in the likeness of an old fat man. A tun of man
is thy companion. Why dost thou converse with that 465
trunk of humors, that bolting-hutch of beastliness,
that swollen parcel of dropsies, that huge bombard
of sack, that stuffed cloakbag of guts, that roasted
Manningtree ox with the pudding in his belly, that
reverend Vice, that gray iniquity, that father ruffian, 470
that vanity in years? Wherein is he good, but to taste
sack and drink it? Wherein neat and cleanly but to
carve a capon and eat it? Wherein cunning but in
craft? Wherein crafty but in villainy? Wherein villainous
but in all things? Wherein worthy but in 475
nothing? FALSTAFF, as Prince I would your Grace would take
me with you. Whom means your Grace? PRINCE, as King That villainous abominable misleader
of youth, Falstaff, that old white-bearded Satan. 480 FALSTAFF, as Prince My lord, the man I know. PRINCE, as King I know thou dost. FALSTAFF, as Prince But to say I know more harm in
him than in myself were to say more than I know.
That he is old, the more the pity; his white hairs do 485
witness it. But that he is, saving your reverence, a
whoremaster, that I utterly deny. If sack and sugar
be a fault, God help the wicked. If to be old and
merry be a sin, then many an old host that I know is
damned. If to be fat be to be hated, then Pharaoh’s 490
lean kine are to be loved. No, my good lord,
banish Peto, banish Bardolph, banish Poins, but for
sweet Jack Falstaff, kind Jack Falstaff, true Jack
Falstaff, valiant Jack Falstaff, and therefore more
valiant being as he is old Jack Falstaff, banish not 495
him thy Harry’s company, banish not him thy
Harry’s company. Banish plump Jack, and banish
all the world. PRINCE I do, I will. | Prince Hal says Falstaff makes a lousy king and they switch roles so Hal can pretend to be King Henry while Falstaff plays the prince.
As "King Henry," Hal says the prince shouldn't hang out with the disgusting "old fat man," Falstaff, that "villainous abominable misleader of youth." Falstaff (as Prince Hal) urges the "king" not to banish Jack Falstaff. Hal cryptically replies, "I do. I will." |
A loud knocking, and Bardolph, Hostess, and
Francis exit. Enter Bardolph running. BARDOLPH O my lord, my lord, the Sheriff with a most 500
monstrous watch is at the door. FALSTAFF Out, you rogue.—Play out the play. I have
much to say in the behalf of that Falstaff. Enter the Hostess. HOSTESS O Jesu, my lord, my lord— PRINCE Heigh, heigh, the devil rides upon a fiddlestick. 505
What’s the matter? HOSTESS The Sheriff and all the watch are at the door.
They are come to search the house. Shall I let them
in? FALSTAFF Dost thou hear, Hal? Never call a true piece 510
of gold a counterfeit. Thou art essentially made
without seeming so. PRINCE And thou a natural coward without instinct. FALSTAFF I deny your major. If you will deny the
Sheriff, so; if not, let him enter. If I become not a 515
cart as well as another man, a plague on my
bringing up. I hope I shall as soon be strangled with
a halter as another. PRINCE, standing Go hide thee behind the arras. The
rest walk up above.—Now, my masters, for a true 520
face and good conscience. FALSTAFF Both which I have had, but their date is out;
and therefore I’ll hide me. He hides. PRINCE Call in the Sheriff. All but the Prince and Peto exit. Enter Sheriff and the Carrier. PRINCE
Now, Master Sheriff, what is your will with me? 525 SHERIFF
First pardon me, my lord. A hue and cry
Hath followed certain men unto this house. PRINCE What men? SHERIFF
One of them is well known, my gracious lord.
A gross fat man. 530 CARRIER As fat as butter. PRINCE
The man I do assure you is not here,
For I myself at this time have employed him.
And, sheriff, I will engage my word to thee
That I will by tomorrow dinner time 535
Send him to answer thee or any man
For anything he shall be charged withal.
And so let me entreat you leave the house. SHERIFF
I will, my lord. There are two gentlemen
Have in this robbery lost three hundred marks. 540 PRINCE
It may be so. If he have robbed these men,
He shall be answerable; and so farewell. SHERIFF Good night, my noble lord. PRINCE
I think it is good morrow, is it not? SHERIFF
Indeed, my lord, I think it be two o’clock. 545 He exits with the Carrier. PRINCE This oily rascal is known as well as Paul’s. Go
call him forth. PETO Falstaff!—Fast asleep behind the arras, and
snorting like a horse. | Just then, the cops show up looking to haul Falstaff away to the clink for robbing the king's exchequer. Prince Hal talks to the sheriff and assures him that if Falstaff is guilty, he'll be made to pay. Meanwhile, Falstaff snoozes away behind the arras (a screen). |
PRINCE Hark, how hard he fetches breath. Search his 550
pockets. (He searcheth his pocket, and findeth certain
papers.) What hast thou found? PETO Nothing but papers, my lord. PRINCE Let’s see what they be. Read them. PETO reads
Item, a capon,…2s. 2d. 555
Item, sauce,…4d.
Item, sack, two gallons,…5s. 8d.
Item, anchovies and sack after supper,…2s. 6d.
Item, bread,…ob. PRINCE O monstrous! But one halfpennyworth of 560
bread to this intolerable deal of sack? What there is
else, keep close. We’ll read it at more advantage.
There let him sleep till day. I’ll to the court in the
morning. We must all to the wars, and thy place
shall be honorable. I’ll procure this fat rogue a 565
charge of foot, and I know his death will be a march
of twelve score. The money shall be paid back again
with advantage. Be with me betimes in the morning,
and so good morrow, Peto. PETO Good morrow, good my lord. 570 They exit. | Peto and Hal rifle through Falstaff's pockets and find a bunch of receipts for food and wine. Hal tells Peto that they must all go to war soon, but he assures his pal that he'll hook up all his buddies with good positions in the military. |