Exactly how steamy is this story?
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Yep. This is one of Shakespeare's most sex-charged plays. It's all about a steamy love affair gone wrong during the Trojan War, which, by the way, is being fought because Paris has been getting it on with Helen ever since he stole her from her husband. (At least that's how Shakespeare sees it.)
Oh, did we mention that the play is full of references to nasty sexually transmitted diseases like syphilis? There's even a guy who stands on the stage and tells us he hopes we all get an STD and die at the end of the play.
Yikes! It's like Shakespeare is channeling your high school sex-ed teacher or something. We guess that's why the hilarious crew at the Reduced Shakespeare Company sums up this play with the following warning: "Trojan wars are complicated, and Trojans sometimes break."