ShmoopTube

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The Catcher in the Rye, a la Shmoop.

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My name is Holden Caulfield, and I'm going to tell you about the worst weekend any teenager [Holden talking]

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has ever had to suffer.

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And I’d just like to start off by saying… none of this stupid stuff ever would have [Family crying]

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happened if it had been me that had gotten leukemia and died, instead of my brother Allie. [Allie Caulfield's gravestone]

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Fate is just cruel and stupid sometimes.

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But okay, here goes.

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On the Saturday before Christmas break, I lost the fencing team's equipment on the subway [Holden leaves the fencing equipment on a bench]

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and missed the biggest football game of the year.

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Then I went to chat with my history teacher, but he started reading at me from a paper

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I wrote and I was like, "dude, seriously, I know what I wrote, you don't have to read [Teacher holding up a paper]

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it back to me."

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To top everything off, I got into it with my roommate, and he beat me up. [Holden gets punched by his room mate]

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Oh…did I forget to mention?

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I was also expelled from my super-expensive private school. [Holden walking away from Pencey Prep school]

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Yeah…and this is just Day One of the Worst Weekend Ever.

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So I skipped out on ol' Pencey Prep and headed to New York City, thinking I'd spend a few

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days in the Big Apple before reporting back to the parentals. [Holden sat on a train]

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I ended up in the not-so-swanky Edmont Hotel.

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If only we had had Yelp back then… [Hotel with missing windows and a broken sign]

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We were also missing Netflix, so I had to find a way to kill time.

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Which is how I ended up looking for a lady to spend some…ya know…quality time with… [Holden walking up to a lady on the street]

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Give her the time, y'know what I'm saying here right people?

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It didn't work out too hot.

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I got pimp-punched for my trouble. [Holden gets punched in the face again]

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But there's a always a lesson to be learned, and the takeaway here?

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Be grateful for Netflix.

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Then it was Sunday.

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I know what you're thinking…

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"It's a new day!

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Things will get better!

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Who needs Netflix?"

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You know who says stuff like that? [Holden in bed with a black eye]

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Phonies, that's who.

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Anyway, I went on a date with this girl I knew, shot my mouth off, and well she ditched me… [The girl stands up and punches Holden]

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…then I bought a record for my kid sister, Phoebe, which I promptly broke.

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Can't a guy catch a break? [Holden accidentally drops the record]

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While my folks were away from home, I went to visit Phoebe.

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I told her that I was the catcher in the rye…y'know, the guy who's supposed to save children from

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falling off the cliff and losing their innocence, or whatever... [Kid falls off a cliff and Holden catches him]

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Hey, it made sense when I said it.

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But soon enough, my parents came back, and I escaped from the apartment to see my old

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English teacher, Mr. Antolini, who didn't much care for my whole “catcher in the rye” shtick. [Holden meets english teacher in the gym]

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I fell asleep at Mr. Antolini's, but woke up in the middle of the night to find him

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patting my head, like I was some kind of dog, or something. [Mr. Antolini patting Holden's head]

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Anyway, it kind of weirded me out, so I left.

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I wandered around for a while before I decided to head out west and live as a recluse, because [Holden walking down a street]

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that makes about as much sense as anything else I've done.

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However, after I broke Phoebe's heart by telling her she couldn't come with me... [Phoebe crying]

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...I decided to stay home.

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I took Phoebe to the zoo and she rode the carousel and she was so happy that…I dunno, [Holden and Phoebe look excited]

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it made me kinda happy…

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And… well that's about it.

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That was how I ended my worst weekend ever.

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And now?

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Well, now I'm in a mental hospital, where I hang around with this guy named Jerry who [Holden walks over to Jerry]

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goes on and on about conspiracy theories and what an evil jerk Jean-Luc Picard is. [Jerry starts to shake]

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He told me I was an inspiration to the man who shot John Lennon. [Jerry looks angry]

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So hey… things are looking up!

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Huh, well would you look at that?

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I'm being phony.

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Life blows.

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But hey…on the bright side, only a few more decades until Netflix comes around. [A TV plays static]

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