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Oedipus <EED-uh-pus> the King, by Sophocles <SAWF-uh-kleez>.

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I'm the King, baby.

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But of Thebes <Theebs>, not rock and roll...

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Still, it's a pretty cushy gig for the most part. Except for that pesky curse that's

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making everything wither and die.

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It's really a drag when there are no cows for the royal burger, and your servant drops

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dead in your plate of wilted asparagus.

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I sent my brother in law, Creon, <KREE-on> to the oracle, to find out what the deal was.

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He got the answer, right from Apollo's mouth...

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We needed to launch a full scale investigation to find out who killed Thebes' previous king,

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Laius <<LAY-iss>>.

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I was on the case, and was using proven crime solving techniques....

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...but my focus was pulled when that incredibly annoying chorus had to butt in.

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All right, all right. So I got the old coot to make an appearance, and you know what his

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helpful hint was? Apparently I'm the murderer.

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Uh, I think I'd remember something like that. And then he told me I was going to die blind

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and alone, and went on some cockamamie tangent about me being married to my mother.

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Okay, all right guys. Where's the camera? I'm being Punk'd, right?

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But I knew what was really going on. Creon and Teiresias <Tie-REE-zee-us> were plotting

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to take over the kingdom. This wasn't the first time somebody had been after my crown.

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It was lucky for those backstabbers that my lady Jocasta <Joe-CAST-uh> showed up to calm me down.

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She told me all about how unreliable predictions can be. Like, once someone told Laius that

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Jocasta and Laius' son would kill him and marry her. Isn't that wild?

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But they got rid of that creepy kid.

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And, I mean, yeah, I did kill a few guys in a fight a while ago.

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But that's ancient history. Totally unrelated. Then, a messenger showed up and dropped the

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bombshell that my dad was dead. But he really wasn't my dad, because apparently I was

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adopted. A lonely king and queen were shopping around for a kid, and got one off a local shepherd.

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I decided to investigate about this shepherd, even though Jo didn't want me to.

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I probably should have listened to her, because then I wouldn't have learned... that I was

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Laius and Jocasta's kid. Which means...which means...

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BLECCHHH! A servant came in at this dramatic moment

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and told me that Jocasta had killed herself. I couldn't believe my wife...I mean,

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my mom was dead! I mean...BLECCHHH!

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I was feeling a little emotionally fragile at this moment. You could say I was

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a sight for sore eyes...

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But I guess hindsight is always 20/20, right?

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At least I'm not being kept in the dark anymore...

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I'm sorry, these puns are getting cornea and cornea...

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