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The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, a la Shmoop. My name is Huck, and have I got a story for

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you.

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It all started in the town of Saint Petersburg, Missouri.

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I was living with the Widow Douglas and Miss Watson, who were trying their darnedest to

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turn me into an upstanding Christian with good grooming habits.

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Then, one day, my Pap reappeared. He wanted to use the six thousand dollars I acquired

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in The Adventures of Tom Sawyer to buy an epic case of alcohol poisoning.

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I, however, had the funds earmarked for a vacation to Disney World.

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That didn't go over well, so Pap took me to Illinois.

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He thought he could keep me locked up in his cabin in the woods, but I saw that movie when

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it was in theaters, and there was no way I was going to wait around to be killed by a

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zombie horde.

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So, I faked my death and fled to Jackson's Island.

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It was there that I met up with Miss Watson's runaway slave, Jim.

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We thought we'd be able to chillax on the island for a while, but then I made a trip

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back to shore to gather information while dressed as a girl...

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...which I do not want to talk about...

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...and it turned out there was a search party headed right for our hideout.

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We decided to take a road...

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...er, I mean river, trip. And what a trip it was. We encountered a trio

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of murdering thieves on a riverboat wreck...

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...and got separated from each other in a thick fog...

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...and I was roped into appearing on an episode of “Family Feud” in Kentucky.

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Then, we fell in with the Duke and the King, who were able to swindle every person they

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met thanks to the strength of their combined star power. The Duke would put on his cowboy

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hat...

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...and the King would do this thing with his hips...

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...and people would just throw money at them.

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But then the Duke and the King sold Jim to a plantation. As much as I loved “Jailhouse

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Rock”, I knew it was time to ditch the celebs...

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...and help Jim get his freedom once and for all.

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When I reached the plantation where Jim was being held, I pretended to be my pal Tom Sawyer,

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because Tom was the plantation owner's nephew.

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Then, Tom actually showed up, so he pretended to be my younger brother, Sid. Confusing,

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right? Well, it gets worse. See, Tom had seen “The

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Great Escape” one too many times, and he decided we needed a super-duper elaborate

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plan for freeing Jim.

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The upshot of this was that, while attempting to pull off a motorcycle jump over the Mississippi

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a la Steve McQueen...

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...Tom caught himself a bullet in the leg and Jim was recaptured.

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You might be feeling worried at this point, but don't. Mark Twain fixed the situation

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by having Tom's Aunt Polly arrive at the plantation. Our true identities were promptly revealed...

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...and it turned out that Jim was no longer a slave, because Miss Watson freed him when

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she kicked the bucket.

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It also turned out that my Pap was dead, so I could continue planning my Florida vacation

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in peace...

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...although once Tom's plantation-owning aunt expressed an interest in adopting me, I decided

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to visit Tokyo Disneyland instead.

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