ShmoopTube

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Zeus, a la Shmoop.

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Or Jupiter, incase you're from Rome.

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Hey ladies...if you're looking for a guy who rules the heavens,

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wields a mean thunderbolt, and cooks a mean chicken cacciatore <catch-uh-TOR-ee>,

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well call me….

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Just don't expect a long term relationship... I'm not the commitment type.

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Oh, and you might want to hire a bodyguard, because my wife, Hera <HARE-uh>, has a nasty temper.

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She always thinks I'm sneaking around behind her back. Where's the trust? …

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Hera’s so good at keeping tabs on me that I had to start getting creative.

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It’s a lot of work to pull the wool over Hera’s eyes…

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…but just look at these cutie pies... how could I resist?

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Leda, Leda, Leda <Lee-duh>...such a babe.

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I think she was secretly impressed that I made my move in the shape of a swan...

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One of our kids… was Helen of Troy.

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You know, the face that launched a thousand ships? That’s my lil slugger!

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There's Io <EYE-oh>, she was another of my favorites, until I turned her into a cow to hide her from Hera.

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My affair with Europa <Yur-OH-puh> was pretty daring, too. No one ever suspects the innocent bull!

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I guess you could say I'm an animal person. I can pretty much get away with anything.

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I have other tricks, though. With Alcmene <Ahlk-mee-nee> I impersonated her husband.

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Genius, right?

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That little encounter resulted in Hercules, one of my favorite little god-human hybrids.

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He takes after his pops in terms of good looks and general awesomeness.

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Just look at how he rocks that lion skin hoodie…

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Then there was Danae <DAN-uh-ee>. Her father locked her up in solitary confinement…

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...so I slipped in through the ceiling in the form of liquid gold.

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Pretty sly, huh?

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Now you’re probably hearing all this, and thinking

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“Wow, he sounds like I'm the greatest thing since ambrosia.”

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You are correct.

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Need more evidence? How about the time I defeated my evil dad Cronus<CROW-nus>?

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How evil was he?

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So evil that he ate my brothers and sisters like popcorn shrimp. …

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Anyway, I ran dad out of town, and took over the family business.

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And I’m the boss here, no question about it.

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The alpha male, the big cheese, the head honcho.

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Which explains why I had to school Prometheus, that little punk

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who stole the fire from Mount Olympus.

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You humans were just fine with your animal skin coats and raw fish sandwiches...

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what did you need fire for?

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Once the cat was out of the bag I got a little hot around the collar and sentenced Prometheus

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to have his liver eaten by an eagle every day until the end of time.

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So yeah. Don't get on my bad side. But at heart, I'm a lover, not a fighter.

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I arranged for those crazy kids Cupid and Psyche <SY-kee> to get married.

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And believe me, it wasn't easy breaking the news to Cupid’s mom, Aphrodite.

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And I convinced that kidnapper Hades to share custody of his wife Persephone.

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I had to marshal all of my people skills for that one.

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So, in short, mortals, know that you are in good hands with me,

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your bold, heroic, take-charge god…oh, hey there, beautiful!

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How you doin'?

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