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Pride and Prejudice, a la Shmoop. Once upon a time, there were five sisters.

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There was a sweet one, a sassy one, a wallflower, a follower, and a troublemaker. Each girl

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was a very special snowflake.

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Problem was, their dad, Mr. Bennet, didn't have a lot of money in the bank.

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Consequently, their mother, Mrs. Bennet, was on a quest to marry her daughters off to wealthy

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men as soon as possible. Enter my best friend, Charles Bingley. Chaz

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is a super-nice guy. He's also loaded.

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So the moment Mrs. Bennet learned that Chaz was living at Netherfield Park, she determined

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that he would be her future son-in-law.

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Chaz and the sweet Bennet sister, Jane, hit it off immediately.

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In spite of my incredible wealth and position in society, my good looks and obvious intelligence,

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I, Fitzwilliam Darcy, didn't do so well in the romance department.

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In fact, I made Lizzie Bennet, the sassy sister, hate me from the get-go. What can I say? It's

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a gift. Mrs. Bennet used some kind of voodoo to make

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Jane catch a cold during a visit to Netherfield...

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...and then Lizzie showed up out of concern for her sister's health. I was stuck in the

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same room with Lizzie for several days and, wonder of wonders, I actually started to like

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her.

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Turns out I wasn't the only one with the hots for Bennet sister number two.

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Mr. Collins, who worked for my aunt, Lady Catherine, was a contender for Lizzie's hand...

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...as was a soldier named George Wickham. More on that jerkface later.

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Chaz threw a huge ball at Netherfield. Stuff happened. The upshot was that Chaz dumped

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Jane...

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... and Lizzie kicked Mr. Collins to the curb.

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But, even then, I just couldn't get Lizzie out of my head.

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When I heard that the sassy Bennet sister was visiting Mr. Collins and his new wife,

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I went to visit my aunt and Mr. Collins' employer, Lady Catherine.

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I had my proposal all planned out.

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There was going to be mood music and moonlight and a rowboat and singing marine life... Wait,

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that's “The Little Mermaid”.

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At any rate, I proposed to Lizzie, and she shut me down. She told me she hated me because

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I had taken Chaz away from Jane, which was true...

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...and because I'd acted like a jerk, which was also true...

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...and because I'd been mean to Wickham, which was true, but I had a good reason. That jerk

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tried to elope with my kid sister for her money.

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I couldn't retire from the field without explaining my actions, so I wrote Lizzie the most amazing

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letter in the history of letters, and then I left.

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Some time later, I went home to my estate at Pemberley, and who should be there but

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Lizzie and her very cool relatives, the Gardiners. I was on my best behavior...

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...and Lizzie acted like she didn't hate my guts. It was awesome. I even got to introduce

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her to my kid sister, Georgiana.

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I thought for sure I was going to get my happily ever after, but then the troublemaking Bennet

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sister, Lydia, ran off with Wickham, ruining the reputation of the Bennet family.

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But, hey, I'm not rich and influential for nothing. I found Lydia and Wickham and made

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sure they got hitched.

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Then, I made Chaz return to Netherfield.

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The whole I-saved-Lydia thing was supposed to be a secret, but the word got out.

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Lizzie, who had kind of started to like me after reading the most amazing letter in the

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history of letters and visiting Pemberley, fell head over heels in love with me.

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In the end, Mrs. Bennet successfully married off three of her daughters.

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Chaz got sweet Jane, I got sassy Lizzie, and Wickham got Lydia the troublemaker.

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I'd feel sorry for Wickham, but Lizzie told me I don't have to, and her wish is my command.

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