ShmoopTube

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Kite Runner, a la Shmoop. Hey, wanna hear a funny story?

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Well, then you’d better watch Comedy Central, cuz this one won't cut the mustard.

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Seriously, get some Kleenex. I'll wait. My childhood was just like “Two and a Half

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Men,” except there were two “halflings” in it, and it was set in pre-Taliban Kabul.

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It was me, my dad, Baba, and our servants, Ali and his son Hassan <Huss-ON>. Hassan and

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his dad were Hazaras which is not the most popular ethnicity in Afghanistan. It's kind

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of like being the wildebeest at a crocodile party.

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I saw Hassan a lot, but I never thought of him as a buddy. For one thing, I always got

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the feeling that Baba liked him better than me.

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Then everything changed. Hassan and I were out kite fighting, which is kind of like Fruit

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Ninja… but with kites.

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I won, which was awesome, because that meant I got to keep the loser's kite. Hassan ran

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off to collect my winnings, like a good servant, and he took a while coming back.

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I followed him, and found him in an alleyway with some local bullies, getting raped. Which

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was totally not a scene you want to walk into. So, I didn't.

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Instead, I ran away and pretended I had no idea where Hassan had gone.

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I know, I know, I'm a chicken. But how do you bring a thing like that up in conversation?

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Some things are just better left unsaid. Right? Except now, this secret was eating me up from

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inside.

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Even worse, I had to watch Baba being all mushy with Hassan, when he should have been

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getting mushy with ME… in a totally grown up, manly sort of way.

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I had to do something. So I made the obvious choice...frame Hassan for stealing and get

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him kicked out. Then it was just me and Baba, and somewhat smooth sailing to California!

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Years went by, and I put my villainous past behind me. I got myself a wife, and lost my

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Baba to cancer.

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Then Baba’s old friend, Rahim Khan asked me to come back home, because things in Afghanistan

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were getting ugly. My old pal Hassan and his wife had been murdered by the Taliban, which

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was gunning for Hazaras. Literally. …

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Rahim really laid on the guilt trip, showing me cheery letters from Hassan, and telling

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me about Hassan’s son, Sohrab who was all alone in an orphanage.

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He saved the zinger for the end, though…Hassan was my half-brother! Baba’s actual son!

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Now I feel like an even bigger creep.

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I was the only one who could help Sohrab. It was time for an Amir-acle. See what I did

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there? The only problem was, Sohrab wasn't at the

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orphanage. He was living with an extremely creepy official with a yen for underage boys.

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Plot twist alert... Sohrab's gross guardian was the same dude who raped Hassan. Hold a

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grudge much?  The sleazebag tried to beat me up. I was able to successfully stop most

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of his punches with my body until Sohrab nailed him with a slingshot, and we escaped.

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I wanted to take Sohrab back to the states with me, but there's a lot of red tape when

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your parents mysteriously vanish, and you're in and out of social services.

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I told Sohrab he'd have to go back into an orphanage for a bit, and he tried to kill

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himself. A little drastic, but I guess you can’t really blame him…

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My lady and I figured out a way to take him with us, but he was giving me the silent treatment...kids

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these days. I think Sohrab and I are starting to connect,

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though. We flew a kite together, and it was just like the good ol’ days with me and

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his dad. He even smiled.

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Okay, that’s as close to a happy ending as you’re gonna get…

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