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Muckrakers.

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Excuse me! Excuse me! I just want to ask you a few questions!

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Is it true that you are one-quarter alien?

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My sources tell me that your grandfather was a native Neptunian!

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Okay, look… sorry to back you into a corner like this, but I really need the scoop.

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Just give me a few minutes. Let me explain what we muckrakers are all about, and then

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maybe you’ll understand... You see, I used to be a respectable journalist.

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Just a decade ago, back in the 1890’s, New York City was littered with solid, reputable

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publications that reported… the news, if you can believe it.

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There was very little sensationalism, not much digging for dirty little details…

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…it was pretty much just the facts, Jack.

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The trouble all started when the papers realized

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they could make more money by appealing to people’s…fondness for gossip.

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Let’s admit it. We’re suckers for scandal.

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We like to hear about big companies doing underhanded things.

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We enjoy getting dirt that’s been uncovered about our politicians and celebrities.

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We like it when the big guys go down…

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because it makes the rest of us feel more worthy or superior.

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Okay, so catering to people’s basest desires

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may not have been the best reason to go into this kind of reporting…

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…but it’s not as if nothing good has come of it!

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We’ve shed light on some of the terrible ways children are treated in the work force…

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…put corrupt politicians in their place…

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…and some of us have even brought the Oil Company down a peg.

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I mean, c’mon… does anybody really feel sorry for big oil?

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And have you heard about this book that came out last year… The Jungle?

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This Upton Sinclair fellow apparently nails the food industry.

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From the poor working conditions to the standards of food monitoring and cleanliness…

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it’s almost enough to make someone swear off hamburgers for good.

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Almost.

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Of course, now President Roosevelt has slapped that “muckraker” label on us…

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…comparing journalists such as myself to the guy with the muckrake in Pilgrim’s Progress…

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…who just rakes filth out of the streets.

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Harsh, don’t you think? We are just giving the people what they want…

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…and we’re bringing some serious issues to light.

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Yeah, I guess we could be a little less in love with hyperbole…

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…and maybe we do tend to overdramatize certain events…

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…but we’re also leading America into the Progressive era.

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So you see...we’re not really that bad.

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I might poke and pry into your personal life, but it’s for the good of the country.

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And besides… we do have free speech.

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You’re not going to argue with the Bill of Rights, are you?

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So… what’s Neptunian for “I’ll tell you everything”?

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