Special teams, 6'0", 210 lbs., 4.80 40-yard dash

Considering you pretty much just played special teams in college, your chances of making a pro roster are not great. We sure hope that physical education degree pays off.

Offensive lineman, 6'3", 280 lbs., 5.10 forty-yard dash

Although you can level the average human just by standing there, believe it or not, you are undersized to play offensive line in the NFL. Canada might be able to use your beef, though…if your hide is thick enough to weather the cold.

Running back, 5'7", 170 lbs., 4.40 40-yard dash

You are lighting-fast, but your little frame doesn't scream, "NFL levels of durability." Your nickname is "Neo" because you dodge tacklers like Keanu Reeves dodges bullets in The Matrix…but the bullets he had to dodge weren't 6'5" and 300 pounds of human heat-seeking missiles that play defensive line in the NFL.

Linebacker, 5'11", 240 lbs., 4.85 40-yard-dash

You are a student of the game with great instincts and a nose for the football. Your size isn't exactly NFL material, but you're here to prove the haters wrong.

Wide receiver, 6'4", 200 lbs., 4.50 40-yard dash

You have a rare combination of height and speed and you've got hands the size of a dinner plate. Your college team was one of the best and you were one of its star players. You'll make a team somewhere.

Ever hear the phrase, "one in a million"? Well, you'll need to be exactly that if you want to go pro. Think about the best high school athlete in your district of 10 high schools. The absolute Big Man in the area. He gets headhunted so hard by colleges that he can barely spare time for his school work, let alone friends. Then, he gets into college and is a total all star there...of the 12 best all stars on his team that year. Well, guess, what? Only one of those guys will be a pro in five years...if this is a top class of athletes out of the the past several years. 

So, even if you're in the 95th percentile of all NCAA athletes in your sport, you've still got a snowball's chance in a microwave of going pro. Not to mention actually mattering at all. More than likely, you'll still be struggling to eke out a living on the bench for a year or stuck on a farm team until you're forced to look for other work. We could bludgeon you with more data and stats, but as you dream about success, just make sure you're hedging your bets.

In other words: enjoy that "alternative" career, Shmooper. (#realtalk)