Ahh, American football. Pigskin. Gridiron. We know it here in the U.S. as "football," but our friends abroad disagree with us on this point. No matter your terminological preferences, however, NCAA football is a really big deal. Not unlike Ron Burgundy.

We probably don't need to tell you that college football is crazy popular. It draws an impressive viewership, boasts massive ticket sales, and has a playoff structure that blew NCAA basketball's Final Four commercial sales right out of the water in 2015 (source). It's no surprise, then, that Saturdays on campuses with hot teams are synonymous with tailgating, rivalry matchups, and body paint.

We're just as confused as the guy on the far right.

Offensive, defensive, and special team players all try their best to make it onto the first string. Play on a successful team, and the world will take notice. Play on a team that barely ekes out a win or two, however, and settle for on-campus glory. Either way, you'll probably get some kind of attention.

But not everyone can make it as a college football player. This special breed of humans is comprised of tank-giant hybrids, bred for one sole purpose: to destroy mankind.

Wait, what?

Okay, let's start over. Football players are big…and fast. They must also be agile and willing to give and take a hit. As one college coach put it, you "gotta be more like dogs." Woof? That sounds potentially offensive and otherwise weird to us, but we're hoping he meant something about being a rough-and-tumble dude.

There's no doubt that college coaches and recruiters shop for the buffest (beefiest?) and speediest football players. If you don't shop at Big & Tall and you can't outrun a bear, then you might have to say goodbye to your NCAA football dreams.

Cutting the mustard as a collegiate player will require a combination of extreme talent and good choices. Like: playing youth football, keeping up your body weight and grades, getting and maintaining a scholarship, and knowing where you can make the biggest impact. It's all about location.

Bird's-eye view.

If you're a freakishly talented football player, get ready for the media circus. Schools want letters of intent…and they want them now.

But fear not, dear Shmooper. Most high school football players won't go through all that nonsense. Why? Most high school players won't make it onto an NCAA team.

Sorry to harsh your happy, bro. But we're not here to lie to you.

In fact, only 8% of the over 1,000,000 high school football players will see time on the field in college (source). Unless some of those athletes make a switch to another sport, of course.

NCAA football teams are pickier than toddlers, and rightly so. Football is by far the richest college sport, so coaches, administrators, boosters, and The Great Mascot Spirits all want to make sure they're investing in the right players.

College football makes some schools a lot more than chump change, so you're going to need to prove your worth. Keep in mind, though, that the athletes never see a cent of that revenue. Being a college football player really is a full-time job, but you still won't be considered an employee (source).

That's right. Football players often aren't allowed to make any money for themselves outside of what their scholarship provides, which leaves them broke and sometimes even in debt at the end of their college careers. Do you think this system is a bit exploitative? What do you think the athletes are getting in return for their investments in this sport?

Hey cameraman, did you catch that?

College football players will usually tell you that they don't play for the money. They play for the love of the game...and not-so-secret hopes of going pro. But the odds of that are not-so-secretly tiny.

Which isn't to say that college football players don't see some perks, over and above scholarship money. One of the highlights of making an NCAA FBS team is the chance to play in a bowl game in the Bahamas…or, you know, Mobile, Alabama. Can't wait.

On top of being in top physical shape (and by this, we mean a 4,000+ daily caloric intake), you also need to avoid injury. Given the nature of this sport, this may seem a little counterintuitive, but trust us. You don't want to get injured, so be careful.

Unless you're Wolverine. (We mean this one, not that one.)

What was our point again? OH, yeah. You can't win national championships if you're in the hospital with a broken leg and a concussion. Injuries can completely change how a season unfolds. Or even how the rest of a student's lifetime unfolds. College football players need to do everything they can to prevent injuries that will impact their careers, almighty scholarship status, and long-term health.

Speaking of scholarships, if you do receive one, please keep these issues in perspective. College scholarships can be an incredible opportunity to continue to play the game you love and plan for a non-NFL future. Because, let's face it, you'll only make it to the NFL if you're kissed by luck and fate.

Heck, not even Heisman finalists always make the NFL. Aren't they supposed to be, like, really good?

The reality is that of the 6.5% of high school players that make it into NCAA leagues, only 1.6% of them will go on to play in the NFL. That works out to a 0.08% chance that a high school player will go pro, which is less than a one in one thousand (source).

Our recommendation is to use that scholarship for more than just room and board. Use it to get a really great education. No one said being a student-athlete is easy. But, then again, life isn't easy. In fact, it's harder than a dead-on hit by NFL star and former Virginia Tech graduate Kam Chancellor. 

Got it? Take advantage of your opportunities. You don't want to end up a loser...in more ways than one.

As Coach Taylor of Friday Night Lights famously said, "Clear eyes, full hearts, educated brains, can't lose." Okay, we may have edited that quote a bit. You can thank us later when you're actually able to retire with some modicum of financial stability.